The title is referring to the fact that although this is a succeeding text to the prior post, it will precede it on this page.
A friend of mine complained that I didn't provide enough of a model for how one should hone one's own sense of self-worth. She wants to think about things before they happen, maybe practice it in her own mind, but life doesn't often provide us with that opportunity. Our lessons are usually thrust upon us unawares. Besides, I thought I'd done a pretty good job of using a real-life example: conflict with others. Who isn't familiar with that? And if you aren't, you soon will be.
To a certain extent, a sense of self-worth is earned slowly through the many tests of a lifetime. It's kind of a side-effect of time and maturity.
What I didn't explain was how one affirms oneself, thinking that these are things one learns for oneself, in one's own way.
I think one learns to affirm oneself by taking one's stand upon what is within rather than looking outside of oneself, or to other people, to set one's course. Our friends, and sometimes our frenemies, are often helpful in mirroring back to us our own false reads upon a situation or set of circumstances. But eventually the time will arrive when one's internal sense of what is right in a certain instance -- what is right for us, in other words -- will be at odds with the opinions of those upon whom we might otherwise rely. In the end, it is your own sense of judgement which has to steer your ship. It isn't so much about being "right" in an objective sense -- if there truly is any such thing -- as it is a matter of personal self-knowledge and self-honesty. The day comes when you can no longer make excuses for yourself. You must live by your own light, go your own way, or lose yourself along another's.
It's a balancing act between your head and your heart. If you seek to live by your head alone, i.e., by logic, then good luck with your life. Our hearts don't really lead us astray. It's our identification with our desires and the belief that their fulfillment is "happiness" that is really the crux of the issue. We presume that the satisfaction of desire, winning our desired end, will result in what we call "happiness." It's the curse of Western culture.
Ten years ago I wrote thirty pages about desire on a blog, deconstructing it for myself. Desire does tend to lead us into learning, but often it's painful learning. Besides, desires are endless. They never end. They're never truly sated. As the Buddha noted, either you suffer through their fulfillment, which is necessarily temporary, or the pangs of the longing of unfulfillment creates suffering, or one's focus and energy is depleted in an endless round of seeking, suffering, or satiation which never ends. Then you're nothing more than a hamster in a wheel, chasing desire, running like hell and never getting anywhere.
I only mention this because people sometimes confuse their desires with the promptings of their heart. Don't. The voice of the heart differs from that of desire. Desire is insidious. The voice of the heart is quieter, more subtle. Unless you choose to ignore your heart's directional signal, in which case, sooner or later, the promptings of your own heart will be screaming at you.
You can numb your heart, if you try. You can ignore it by an act of will (read: ego). But then you're in a boat adrift without a paddle. Because the apparent opposition between the head and the heart occurs when the function of one is encroaching upon the respective territory of the other.
Your heart tells you what is important in life. What is most important to you, personally. Your hopes, dreams, wishes, ideals. Your head tells you how to get there. That's the order, and you can't reverse it without throwing your entire life into an uproar.
Heart leads, head follows. Heart sites the goal, head helps determine the way. Heart is the "why" and the "what." Head is the "how." Lead with your heart, and let your head support that.
That's a basic premise for determining how to take your stand upon the truth within. Your heart must recognize what that truth is for you. Your head can't do that. The head at best can be cleverly selfish when it encroaches upon the sphere of the heart.
So, when I said you must affirm yourself in the previous post, what I meant was that you must first ascertain, and then follow -- despite the clamor of the voices of others -- the truth within, the voice of your own heart, and you must pursue that course if your life is to truly be your own.
Don't let go of that internal gyroscope -- which you must feel -- or else you really will be lost.
No comments:
Post a Comment